just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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