last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
This baby is an asshole
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
