so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
