I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
