I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize
