Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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