Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
