i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
