first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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