I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
