I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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