If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
