if i died would you start the facebook group?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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