From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
