Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
