Jerry, you need to find god
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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