New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
