How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
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