So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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