you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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