It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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