she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize