Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
