Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
