: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
