he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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