I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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