Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize