note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
