I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
