i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
