so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
