i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
i believe in u and ur pee
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
