I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
