if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
