The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
sex in a hospital.. check
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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