I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
