Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Someone shit on the floor
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
