Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
