why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
