she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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