apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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