the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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