i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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