some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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