i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
