Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
