the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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