ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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