Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize