she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
