I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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