You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize