Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
