how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
