I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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