The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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