Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
