I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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