I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
