you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Just took my morning after pill in the library
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
