Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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