Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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