you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
